New Unemployment Indicator, Shocking Blow To Education

Recent studies conducted by the Department of Education clearly point out that the employment slump has had a tremendous impact on English Teachers nation wide.

Using an algorithm that detects insistences of grammar being corrected, with out provocation, the Education Department has determined that English Teachers must be facing unprecedented UN employment.

Senior researcher Richard Tuttle, explained that “the hostile environment online where every random post is subjected to cross examination for inappropriately used verbs, subjugated verbs, commas, semi colons and absolute determinates has had a detrimental effect on public discourse in this nation.”

Having further interviewed over 2,000 social media users the results are dramatic.  Ninety percent of those surveyed report having been harassed by apparently unemployed English teachers.  More than half of those surveyed report having been labeled as stupid or uneducated. These results also indicate that social media users have reduced the time they spend online each day due to fear of grammatical attack.

Asked to comment on the studies results, internet giant Face Book indicated that they are in the process of developing a list of acceptable online behaviors that will be automatically posted to the accounts of users that list their profession as “English Teacher”.  Google spokesman, Patrick Kolinsky, further pointed out that these individuals pose a serious threat to the success of the company should the current trends of grammar extremism continue.

While the researchers admire those with education they point out that the privilege of a good education and a lack of learning disabilities does not give individuals the right to criticize others. They further point out that it is these less privileged voices that may provide major insights into the state of our educational system.

Lets all hope that these teachers find permanent full time work soon!

A little fun with Satire!